How I almost lost my eye.

Isn't it funny how two people can view a situation entirely different from one another.  For example:
One summers day I was at my cousins house in Colorado.  The adults were inside talking about something boring.  My cousin, Travis, and I were in the front yard.  We had found an old plastic baseball bat.  The top and wore completly off, and we were putting rocks down the hollow tube, pulling the bat back over our shoulder, and flinging the rocks soaring into the field across the street.  My technique was over the shoulder, flinging the bat up over my head.  Travis stepped up, confident he could beat my distance.  "Look," He says to me.  "I got this down.  Swing the bat like an actual baseball bat, and you can pull it back farther, see."  He puts the bat up like he's going to blast a home run.  I did see.  My way you had to stop the rotation so the bat was horizontal, so the rock wouldn't slide out.  On his swing, he could bring the bat all the way around, getting full momentum built up before the rock came out.  "Okay," I say.  "Lets see this."  He slides a rock down the bat, pulls back, and lets the bat fly.  I was standing twenty feet to his right, and the rock released early, careening into my face.  This is where I have my first out of body experience.  I saw Travis swinging, and then I heard screaming.  Who was screaming? I thought.  Then I thought, Hey, why can't I see anything?  Then I realized I was the one screaming.  Why was I...  And then the pain hit, sending me into shock.  I couldn't move my right eyelid. I realized my hands were cupping my face, and pulled them down and cracked my left eye open.  Blood covered my hands.  The image didn't help the pain.  I shut my eyes, put my hands back on my face, and just went right on screaming.  Suddenly I was grabbed by someone.  I cracked my eye again.  Through alot of blood I see Trevor, Travis' brother.  He's a huge football player built guy.  I can't be seen crying and screaming infront of him.  Then I realize he's leading me to the house.  I REALLY can't be seen sobbing infront of the rest of my cousins and family.  I manage to shut up, but I still am sniffly somewhat.  I thought I started hiccuping from the sudden strain I had put on my voice, but the pain is so much I don't even notice.  I'm led into the living room. A bomb of confusion and choas explodes.  People are running around, trying to figure out what they should do.  My mom and uncle take me from my cousin and set me down.  After a lot of questions, none of which I can remember, I get an ice pack and something to bite on.  "You're pretty brave, not crying," My uncle says.  I smile, knowing I had saved myself the humiliation of looking like a baby.  Though I also realize most people would be screaming by the sight of all the blood.  My breathing goes from franticly hyperventalating to lightly feverish.  I calm down.  I almost can't feel any pain anymore, or for the matter, the entire right side of my face.  Everything had gone numb.  Then, something occured to me.  I ask quickly, "Will I lose my eye?"  My uncle and my mom look at eachother.  "Maybe." was the reply.  I might lose my eye.  Holy crap.  I probably was going to lose it.  I was going to lose my eye.  I panicked.  And then I realized something.  I was going to lose my eye.  I WAS GOING TO LOSE MY EYE!  What a great stroke of luck.  I was going to lose an eye.  Something deep down knew getting losing an eye would instantly make me cool, more interesting.  I could wear a patch.  I had found the silver lining of the dark cloud.  I wanted to lose my eye. "You could impress some people with a glass eye," my uncle said.  "You could pop it out whenever."  A glass eye? I hadn't thought of that.  The silver lining grew. I smiled.  "It would be better if you just didn't lose your eye." My mom of course had to be the practical, sensible person.
Well, unfortunatly (or fortunatly, depending on who you asked.) I didn't lose my eye.  I did, however, have the worst black eye known to man.  I had to wear a patch, which was okay, but not the same as actually losing the eye.  The patch stayed for a month because bright lights were like shots of electricity shooting through my retina and striking the back of my brain.  But, somehow, my eye recovered perfectly.  The scars faded after a year, and I don't have any after effects.  It's funny that at the time I was in so much pain, but deep down I was excited to lose my eye. Everyone else had no idea the pain I felt, yet they all prayed for me not to lose my eye.  I wish they hadn't. 

Stupid Gringo

So I'm walking through school the other day, and walking towards me is this kid with a black shirt on.  On the lack shirt were big green letters that said, "Don't Worry Gringo, I'm legal."  Now, normally I might think this shirt funny, but the kid wearing it was most deffinitely white caucasian.  Seriously dude, you're not mexican.  Don't wear shirts that were obviously, specifically made for mexicans.  Sometimes I really wonder if if humans are stupider than I originally thought, or if its just in high school.

Lithp, a history

So some of you may wonder, "Whats with the name?"  Well, if you haven't figured it out, its supposed to be Lisp, like a speech impediment.  I can't say my S's and for a while couldn't say my R's either.  Though my mother has told me my S's have gotten better, I have actually started hearing how off they really are for the first time.  I say something like "Man, school sucks."  But it will come out, "Man, thkool thucks."  Or maybe, "I went to a catholic mass today," becomes "I went to a castholic math today."  See, even my Th's have been mistaken for poorly said S's.  My lisp is one of the unique things about me, yet I had forgotten about it for a couple years.  Get ready readers, funny story coming at you-
           So I graduate from Elementary and I am handed this question.  "Do I want to stick with speech classes so I can say my S's?"  I had just mastered R's, but S's were a far off.  I was told by all the adults that if I didn't get my speech impediment fixed, I would have a hard time finding a good job, because some people couldn't take me seriously.  Really, a sixth grader would be worried about getting a good paying job.  What kind of argument was that.  I said no about fifty times before my parents and speech therapist gave up on me.  And so junior high started.  I was worried at first that I would be seen as a nerd because I couldn't talk right, because that's how nerds are portrayed on TV, so why shouldn't it be like that in real life.  Well, that didn't happen, and no one mentioned my lisp all through junior high.  By the time I hit ninth grade I had forgotten I had a speech impediment.  So, half way through ninth grade geometry I get paired with this girl who seems nice and intelligent.  After a few days of a group project she turns to me, cocks her head to the side and says "Why do you talk so weird."  I stare at her, not quite sure what she means.  "What," I reply, my mind tinkling a bell in the long forgotten memories of Elementary school.  "Do you have some kind of accent.  Where are you from?"  She seems sincere, not wanting to hurt my feelings but really wanting to know what my problem was.  The kid behind me turns to her and says harshly, "Whats your problem.  That's super rude."  Finally I realize what their talking about.  My lisp. It was a shock to realize I still had it.  "Oh, no, its not an accent.  I have a lisp."  I say it, not feeling ashamed in any way.  "A what?  I don't think that's a word."  She says, staring at me like I'm crazy.  "No no, its real.  You haven't heard of lisps before?" Now I look astonished, and my group has completely lost focus on the project to listen to the conversation.  "Seriously.  You don't know what a lisp is.  Your so rude to just tell him he talks funny.  What kind of person does that."  the kid behind almost loses it and starts laughing. "I'm sorry," she says, going red in the face and looking around at our group members.  "No, its Okay.  I just can't say my S's. (or as I said it to her, My Th'tthh)   You should have heard me when I couldn't say my R's either."  "Seriously," she says, eyes wide again.  Then she looked back down.  "I really am sorry.  I didn't know some people couldn't talk right.  Can it be fixed."  she was now looking sympathetic, trying to divert the focus of her seemingly rude statement to how she felt bad for me.  "Yeah, I used to take speech classes, but gave them up.  My S's weren't improving."  "Oh," she says.  Most of the group has turned back to their work by now, and the conversation drops of.  I felt bad for her, but inside couldn't help laughing at the fact that everyone thought she was being really rude to me, when I hadn't felt like she was being rude at all. Also I was a little surprised at myself for forgetting my lisp.  For the rest of the class period I could help thinking about it.
           So there you go.  A short history and anecdote about my lisp and the reason why its my blogs name.  This blog is for the uniqueness of humans.  Therefore, my unique Lisp is the title for this blog.  clever, huh?  I thought so.

A beggining of something.

Hello and welcome to my first ever blog.  I've never realy seen myself as a blogger, but lately my family has gotten into it and I feel out of some crazy blogging loop, so here it goes.  This blog is dedicated to those people who laugh at the everyday craziness that goes on in the world.  The conversations, the thought processes, and the general humor that, if stopped and examined, would be considered hilarious and television comedy worthy.  In this blog I plan on posting what I percieve as funny, stupid, random, and just darn entertaining.  There are those things that everyone, or most everyone experiences in their day to day lives that they want to share with the world.  The things that you try to explain and then just end up saying "Ya had to be there."  The irony that happens everywhere yet is hardly ever appreciated by the common passer-by.  So, here starts the beggining of something I hope you will all find entertaining.  I sure do.